I agree. And according to Sabrina's early reporting, Cristal has many supporters. That venerable organization, National United Dancers and Entertainers, awarded Cristal its highest honor, Comeback Playa of the Year.

"Cristal Taylor is an inspiration to all of us," NUDE spokesman Lexus said in a prepared statement. "She embodies all of the principles we hold dear as entertainers. Never tell a customer your real name. Never spend your own money. And foreigners with limited understanding of American culture make the best boyfriends. Cristal is our 50 Cent. He has the Magic Stick. She has the Magic Rack."

Lexus added: "Cristal's capture of an in-his-earning-prime superstar reminds us to never give up on our dream, and that age really is nothing but a number and beauty is truly only in the eye of the beholder. "

Sabrina said the latter message is the one that resonates most powerfully with women.

"I haven't seen this much excitement and optimism since Monica Lewinsky revealed her stained dress," Sabrina said. "Monica shattered the glass ceiling for full-figured women when she shared a cigar with President Clinton. Now I think Cristal is doing that for older groupies.

"Sure, Madonna had her thing with A-Rod, but Madonna is superwealthy. She's a female Hugh Hefner. She'll be bedding young studs into her 70s. Cristal is a role model for all those women who wasted their 20s and early 30s chasing undrafted free agents and minor-leaguers. Good things can still happen if you tell the right lies."

There's no doubt. You know when Cristal gets sprung from the joint some television network is going to offer her a reality TV show.

Wouldn't you rather watch "I Love Cristal's Meth" than "I Love New York"?

You can e-mail Jason Whitlock at ballstate0@aol.com.